I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
