lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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