Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
