This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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