Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
