so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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