make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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