i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
