whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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