ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
