You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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