youre lurking in front of me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
