Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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