I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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