I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
