He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
