Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
