Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
