In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
