get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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