how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
