The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it's great music for shaving your balls
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
