I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
