I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
