but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
