I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
