Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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