i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
