he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize