My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
