Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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