I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
