I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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