You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
