so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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