I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
