So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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