He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
