Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
