He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
