You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
