An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
