and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
