PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
