We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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