if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
