hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
