I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
