Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
