I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
