I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
