Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
