I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
