Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
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i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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