do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
