you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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