Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
