It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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